Every Relationship Choice Has a Trade-Off

Relationships involve trade-offs, and sometimes the qualities we prioritize create the very problems we later complain about.

You want a partner who leads, but you become frustrated when they make decisions without following your input. Leadership comes with independence. If you want significant influence over every decision, you may actually want collaboration more than leadership.

Attraction creates another trap. Choosing someone because they are highly desirable can feel like choosing a great partner. But attraction tells you very little about compatibility. Someone can look perfect beside you and still be completely wrong for your life.

Then there is time. The biological clock can create real pressure to find a partner and start a family. Under that pressure, the goal can quietly shift from finding the right person to finding someone in time. Urgency starts influencing decisions that will last far beyond the deadline.

The issue isn’t wanting leadership, attraction, or children. All three can matter.

The issue is understanding what you’re prioritizing and being honest about the trade-offs.

Quick Tip: Before choosing a partner based on what you want, ask yourself whether you can live with what comes with it.

Don Elligan, Ph.D.

drelligan.com